“I’m So Confused… What Should I Do?” Is not an uncommon question in a healing practice.
I often have people come to me requesting healing work who are in a state of some confusion. So I thought it might be helpful to explain a key concept which could bring about a lot of clarity on our paths, and often provide hope and a renewed sense of direction for many. The world famous book, "A Course in Miracles," devotes many lessons in its workbook explaining the confusion we often have around this subject. It addresses the essential need to understand the correct priority of deciding between “a Means” we need to be using, versus “an Ends” or a goal which we need to set, when we wrestle with any of our problems. Let’s explain this querry…
I always begin a healing session asking people... "What would you like as an outcome for our session today?"
This seems like a simple question, but it often sends people reeling... and into a state of utter helpless confusion. So many people begin explaining what is wrong in their lives, or they provide a symptom list, or explain all that is bothering them. Very few people provide an immediate clear decisive answer to the question. It often takes some time for them to think, hash out, and brood over what they truly want -- what their actual goal is. I suggest they begin by asking themsleves… "How would you like to end up feeling?" or “Feeling ‘how’ would make you happy?” or “What do you really want as an outcome from doing this session?”
I had a healing client in today asking, "I don't know what to do or work on in the relationship between my boyfriend and I? I don't understand what our problem is..." The client then proceeded to give me a long history and list of issues which were plaguing them. When I simply asked the question, "What goal do you have in your relationship together?" it provided immediately clarity in their situation, and after choosing her goal, the session proceeded smoothly thereafter to a beautiful conclusion.
I have discovered that as soon as I clearly picture a goal in mind, the path to reach that goal lights up — rather obviously. For example, if we are sitting in a car, and we find ourselves driving around aimlessly or confused, all we have to do is decide where we want to go, and the route then becomes rather clear and obvious. Prior to that, there was only a lot of jarbled thoughts and unclarity. With a goal in mind, however, it doesn't matter if we encounter road blocks, traffic lights, detours, or any challenges along the way, we continue to see our next step at every juncture, revealing what to do to bring us to our desired goal.
A goal sets the direction, but sometimes we may then need more than the faculties we are equipped with to reach that goal. With the example above, when driving in a familiar locality, we may be easily able to reach our goal with the knowledge we already have. However, in unfamiliar territory, we may need additional help. A roadmap, asking knowledgable people for directions, or ideally a tool such as a GPS can provide such help when driving a car. Thus, no matter where we are traveling today, in most parts of the world, we have various means or devices which can show us the way to reach our destination.
This is not the case, however, in many of our other difficult life situations, involving challenging confrontations or dilemmas, or perhaps conflicts, where knowing or seeing a way out is difficult and not obvious. Even if the solution may be beyond our own abilities to work through, our best first step in the right direction is often to concieve of a clear "end" or "goal" that we wish for an outcome. For example, if we can set a positive goal in a situation, such as finding a "loving resolution," or achieving a “win-win”, or deciding that no matter what happens, we’re going to “act with compassion,” what to do in the moments which follow becomes much clearer. When we’re at the outset of any endeavor, if we have a clear goal, the path to that goal is revealed to us step-by-step.
“EVEN BEGINNING A JOURNEY OF A THOUSAND MILES, WE DO NOT NEED A SEARCHLIGHT THAT ILLUMINATES OUR ENTIRE PATH — ALL WE NEED IS A LAMP WHICH IS BRIGHT ENOUGH TO SHOW US EACH NEXT STEP.”
That lamp can be our clarity of intention. So perhaps most of our confusion arises from: “Not knowing what we want” versus “Not knowing what to do.” If we have a clear goal, with a good internal compass, we generally know in our hearts when and if we are veering off our path. If we’re on completely unfamiliar grounds, we know when and if to ask questions, and when to seek help. A clear goal also tells us what kind of question will be most effective in helping us reach a desired outcome.
I noticed early on in my healing work, that few if any people really come wanting “Joy” as an outcome. A few want peace, but most people want … (1) someone else or a situation to change, (2) answers, clarity, or to ‘know’ what’s causing their pain, (3) to complain, (4) an apology, (5) security or protection, (6) to be liked, validated, or approved of, (7) a job, a partner, success in their business, a better bank account balance, etc. Few people come to me saying, “I just want to feel total joy and accept everything going on in my life, or feel total joy with a person exactly the way they are — without ever expecting anything to ever change.” Finding happiness now means letting go of a lot of our attachements to how we want things to be, and this is not an easy thing
So I often gently steer people in the direction of setting ‘Joy’ as their goal, suggesting they might not want to postpone their happiness, and endur all the upsets involved in waithing for an outer change which may never ever come. While making our best efforts to work toward an outer solution to life’s challenges, why not be able to find joy along our journey?
When certain problems arise, we may not have the knowedge or skillful means to attain our goals. At such times, clarity about what we want, and persistent seeking, can eventually bring us the tools or additional help we need to reach our desired ends. My persistent search in life for greater happiness, love, and peace led me to learning more and more tools for healing, such as meditation, yogic cleansing techniques, mantras, affirmations, and wisdom teachings. On my own, these proved somewhat effective. But the intensity of my longing and self-efforts must have brought me Divine grace, as they eventually led me to the rare gift of finding an Enlightened Spiritual Teacher. She guided me and provided incredible help, lightening my inner burden, and teaching me both inner and outer tools to consistently clear away the darkness I encountered along my spiritual journey. It is with Her continued guidance, greater awakening, clarity, and these tools, that I have been able to help so many others with their difficult life challenges.
Ammachi “The Holy Mother”
